Posts Tagged 'Office'

Top Ten Ways Jered Makes A Slow Day at the Office (seemingly) Fly By

I work at an office. We have casual days. We have summer barbeques. We have awkard birthday celebrations. We have Super-Casual day. We have company outings. We have water coolers that people talk around. We have a television in the lunch room where people watch the Office non-stop. We have quality assurance. We have company meetings in the board room. Basically, I work in an office, but it isn’t like The Office. It’s like Office Space and The Office, but devoid of humor.

Luckily for me, I recently got promoted to do something else. However, during the previous 6 months, I was a cog in the clock, a gear in the machine, a hampster in the wheel, you get the point. During this time, I found ways to entertain myself from going insane besides talking with the voices in my head.

Top Ten Ways Jered Beat the Office

10. Stare out the window and count cars. That’s right. I have a cubicle window view. Suck it!

9. Count the number of times the dude at the next cubicle goes “mmmm” in a five minute conversation (it averages 100-150 times). It sounds as if he is eating Manna from heaven. Yes. That is how I would describe it. Why else would a person go “mmmmm” about 20 times a minute unless he is eating something as delicious as bread from heavens.

8. Set personal records for not looking at the clock. Personal Record: 3.3242 hours.

7. Sneak off to play Bubble-Breaker on my phone and set new records. I’m working towards a 1000+ point combo. My personal best stands at 960. One day, I will destroy you, Point 1000.

6. Look forward to the Sub-of-the-Day at Subway. However, there is one day that I do not look forward to: Thursday. Thursday is ham sub day. Oh, how I despise ham, the annoying red-headed kid of meats.

5. See if I can make it past the 4.5 hour barrier for lunch. I typically make it to the 4.5 hour barrier everytime before my stomach starts caving in on itself. One time I made the herculean feat of 6.5 hours into the work day without food. I was proud. We all know taking lunch at the 4 hour point makes the second half of the day go slow. Lunch at the 4 hour point is for amatuers.

4. Try to figure out what tunes the guy on the otherside of the cubicle hums. I could only recognize one, “Nothing Else Matters” by Metallca. I believe all other melodies must be original works. Magical.

3. Make oregami with Post-It notes. Did you know that “Post-It’s” is a brand and not just an item? Kind of like Kleenex. Kleenex is a brand, tissue is the item. Nevermind, I’m boring myself telling you these things.

2. Work harder to win an iPod in the quarterly department contest. Pshhh. Came in second. Lame. Won a 100 dollar gift certificate to an expensive restaurant instead. I can’t return it for cold hard cash, which I would use to buy an iPod or 20 meals at McDonalds or a tank of gas (100 dollars fills my car up for one and a half times. Shoot me) or 30 Starbucks coffees or new running shoes, etc. You get the point. Instead, I have to use it on a 40 dollar plate of steak. Maybe I’ll use it for a date. Now that’s classy, using a gift certificate to an expensive restuarant on a date. Just kidding. I’d never do that. Or will I? Lucky girls out there, watch out, because Jered has free money to spend on you.

1. Go make copies.

My job is boring, but I think I’m still an interesting person. Right?

Blog Hits

  • 273,012 cool kids have visited
Add to Technorati Favorites