Archive for the 'life' Category

The Hidden Messages in a Font

Choosing the right font for the right occasion is imperative. Typically we choose to go with Times New Romans, especially when we write a collegiate paper. If we’re sneaky, we might use Arial or Calibri at 12.5 font to make our essay a bit longer. If you were a font, which would you choose and why?

You are what font you use.

I came across this image collage through a friend. What does a font say about you? Lars Willem Veldkampf gives his views and attempts to answer this age-old question in a series of images explaining that using Helvetica means you are a conformist and using Gill Sans means you are the son of a stonecutter. This photo gallery is spectacularly random and intriguingly fun.

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Huffington Attacks the Hipster!

I know, it is of poor taste to post two things on the same topic or the same subject, but perhaps it led to inspiration. I concede that sometimes what must be done has to be done and today I posted two posts on the same subject.

While reading the news on the political soap opera that is the United States Presidential Election, I was reading the much controversial (and sometimes reviled) webnewsblog, the Huffington Post, when I came across this little peppy article that holds much contempt to the hipster fashion scene. The writer of this article, Verena von Pfetten, does correlate some interesting celebrity and pop culture figures with the hipster fashion trends to make her points. Read the article here.

But hey, it’s all fun and games, we wear what we want to wear because we want wear them to right? We wear what we wear to rage against the machine! However, a graphic designer named Rob Dobi (who has infamously designed work for such talent-heavy bands like the Used (ugh), Angels and Airwaves (gross) and Fall Out Boys (no comment), but has more recently invested his time into his clothing line Full Bleed) is a talented artist and his work has been featured on various record companies and magazines.

However, he redeemed himself and in turned washed his hands of his interactions with Fall Out Boy in my eyes with this entertaining website called yourscenesucks.com, which is basically a scientific, anthropological look at the scenster lifestyle. Here’s a few examples, but really, check out the site you should get a guffaw, grin, chuckle or a harty har har out of it.

Office Policy from the Devil

I had previously posted a blog about defeating the boredom beat in the office awhile ago. As much as it saddens me to post another one, I am going to do it. Office work life is about as exciting as watching linoleum curl or listening to a pool filter suck leaves.

This guy is either bored, wants to kill you or modeling for a GQ ad. Whichever it is, Google says that this is what "bored in office" looks like.

This guy is either bored, wants to kill you or modeling for a GQ ad. Whichever it is, Google says that this is apparently what "bored at the office" looks like

This post is about new offices policies…and yes, this was circulated in an email at my work. As funny and irreverent as these policies are, strangely they are true.

New Office Policy

Dress Code:

  • You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
  • If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
  • If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
  • If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’ category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

  • Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
  • Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
  • Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Human Race

Nike is sponsering a huge event called “the Human Race” which is essentially a 10k run organized by Nike in 25 of the world’s biggest cities, with Vancouver being one of them. It’s supposed to tie in with their Nike+ product (which I have yet to get. I will one day. I will) as well as to unite runners world wide in the largest organized run in history.

Over a million runners around the world are expected to participate, making it one of the biggest 10k runs in history. Another cool aspect of the 10k is that if you have the Nike+ and you keep track of your kilos and upload them onto the website, they will tally the K’s run from everyone around the world and donate accordingly to the Lance Armstrong Foundation, the UN Refugee Agency and the World Wide Fund.

It’s only 60 bucks, small price to pay to run 10k and be a part of the Human Race. I plan on doing it and without a Nike+. C’mon, run for a cause, run to set a world record and run for fun!

To register go here.

To reach a summary of the race go here.

If Jered Is Running, He Is Probably Listening To One of These Songs

Everyone has a favorite mix for special occassions, moments, activities and so on. This week, I decided to compile a top ten (in reality, they’re not in any particular order) of songs that I currently listen to while going on a run. If you want the song, I can try linking it with my internet know-how, but for now I’ll just list them…in no particular order. You’ll be getting more top ten playlists down the road for various other activities that I do: snorkeling, spelunking, sky diving, tree felling, pottery-making, world-conquering, boxing, fencing, etc. etc. etc…

10. Wolfmother – Woman

9. La Grange – ZZ Top

8. Man’s Needs – CSS

7. I Go Hard, I Go Home – Presets

6. Comforting Sounds – Mew

5. Immigrant Song – Led Zepplin

4. Ma Don’t + Every Woman – VNDLSM

3. Dashboard – Modest Mouse

2. Icky Thump – White Stripes

1. I Wanna Be A Style Crusader – Big Face

Who You Are In Text

Personality tests are weird. First of all, they attempt to explain who you are in words, which most of us really can’t do to explain ourselves (I know I have a tough time doing it). It’s like describing to other people what one particular person looks like that you know whom they have never met. You can use key phrases such as: “Mary Smith has blue eyes and light, blonde hair” or “she is tall and skinny” or “she is pale and has brown eyes that are close together.” In reality, you really didn’t describe in such a way that really makes that person stand out amongst a large crown. I liken this to attempting to describe personalities in an indepth way.

Personalities: They’re fun! They’re Different! They’re Unique!

However, I did take a personality test and it was very close to what I picture myself to be. It’s only 60 questions and everyone I sent it to said the exact same thing. Being a Psychology and a Communications major (useless, I know), I’ve taken ridiculous personality tests that take over an hour. Those tests do point out things that I think describe me, but 50 percent of the time I’m like “really? I’m not this or I’m not that.” Do thistest. It’s fun, simple and quick. Let’s just say I was likened to Oprah and Michail Gorbachev and Michael Jordan. Sweet. Apparently, the only difference between them and me is a few million dollars.

You can take the test here. Once you do, I’ll maybe tell you what I got if you tell me yours.

Top Ten Ways Jered Makes A Slow Day at the Office (seemingly) Fly By

I work at an office. We have casual days. We have summer barbeques. We have awkard birthday celebrations. We have Super-Casual day. We have company outings. We have water coolers that people talk around. We have a television in the lunch room where people watch the Office non-stop. We have quality assurance. We have company meetings in the board room. Basically, I work in an office, but it isn’t like The Office. It’s like Office Space and The Office, but devoid of humor.

Luckily for me, I recently got promoted to do something else. However, during the previous 6 months, I was a cog in the clock, a gear in the machine, a hampster in the wheel, you get the point. During this time, I found ways to entertain myself from going insane besides talking with the voices in my head.

Top Ten Ways Jered Beat the Office

10. Stare out the window and count cars. That’s right. I have a cubicle window view. Suck it!

9. Count the number of times the dude at the next cubicle goes “mmmm” in a five minute conversation (it averages 100-150 times). It sounds as if he is eating Manna from heaven. Yes. That is how I would describe it. Why else would a person go “mmmmm” about 20 times a minute unless he is eating something as delicious as bread from heavens.

8. Set personal records for not looking at the clock. Personal Record: 3.3242 hours.

7. Sneak off to play Bubble-Breaker on my phone and set new records. I’m working towards a 1000+ point combo. My personal best stands at 960. One day, I will destroy you, Point 1000.

6. Look forward to the Sub-of-the-Day at Subway. However, there is one day that I do not look forward to: Thursday. Thursday is ham sub day. Oh, how I despise ham, the annoying red-headed kid of meats.

5. See if I can make it past the 4.5 hour barrier for lunch. I typically make it to the 4.5 hour barrier everytime before my stomach starts caving in on itself. One time I made the herculean feat of 6.5 hours into the work day without food. I was proud. We all know taking lunch at the 4 hour point makes the second half of the day go slow. Lunch at the 4 hour point is for amatuers.

4. Try to figure out what tunes the guy on the otherside of the cubicle hums. I could only recognize one, “Nothing Else Matters” by Metallca. I believe all other melodies must be original works. Magical.

3. Make oregami with Post-It notes. Did you know that “Post-It’s” is a brand and not just an item? Kind of like Kleenex. Kleenex is a brand, tissue is the item. Nevermind, I’m boring myself telling you these things.

2. Work harder to win an iPod in the quarterly department contest. Pshhh. Came in second. Lame. Won a 100 dollar gift certificate to an expensive restaurant instead. I can’t return it for cold hard cash, which I would use to buy an iPod or 20 meals at McDonalds or a tank of gas (100 dollars fills my car up for one and a half times. Shoot me) or 30 Starbucks coffees or new running shoes, etc. You get the point. Instead, I have to use it on a 40 dollar plate of steak. Maybe I’ll use it for a date. Now that’s classy, using a gift certificate to an expensive restuarant on a date. Just kidding. I’d never do that. Or will I? Lucky girls out there, watch out, because Jered has free money to spend on you.

1. Go make copies.

My job is boring, but I think I’m still an interesting person. Right?


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